Thursday, May 29, 2008

10 Step Plan for Screwing Up Your Weight Loss

I'm constantly hearing from readers who complain that if they take even a bite of cake, they're afraid there going to destroy their diet. News flash: Treating yourself to some cake or even eating a piece of chocolate is not going to destroy your diet.

But that got me to thinking. How could you really screw up your weight loss program? No, it's not something you would want to do, but if you had a list -- and oh how we love our lists-- on how to truly screw it up, maybe a little reverse psychology would take place.

So with that thought in mind, here's my sure-fire 10 step plan for screwing up any weight loss program. Follow this, and you'll be large and in charge in no time flat.

  • 1. Drink sodas, aka liquid candy. Drink a couple of these a day and watch your love handles grow like crazy.
  • 2. Frequent fast food spots. The word fast won't only be applied to food once you see how quickly your waist grows.
  • 3. Treat potato chips like vegetables. Eating 5 serving of veggies will never be so easy.
  • 4. Eat a big meal before you go to bed. Aside from nightmares, the food will quickly find a resting spot right in your tummy.
  • 5. Avoid drinking water. Great technique for retaining waste in your body and yes, that's exactly what I mean.
  • 6. Stuff yourself until you can't move. Need I say more?
  • 7. Super size every chance you get. Why settle for 8 ounces when 32 will do.
  • 8. Avoid exercise like the plague. Can't you just feel your metabolism slowing down?
  • 9. Eat fried foods. No only will you gain fat quickly, it is by far the best strategy for clogging your arteries.
  • 10. Never eat fruits and vegetables. They are just taking up space from all the ice cream you could be eating anyway.

There you go. Now that's how to really screw up your weight loss program.

Moral of the story: Lighten up. We all cheat on our diet now and then. It's what keeps us sane. Just do your body a favor and do it in moderation.

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